It's a full week since Dublin Marathon and a whole 12 weeks since Ironman UK most people would expect I would be feeling amazing and on top of the world but something is wrong and just isn't right.
The harsh reality is that I still haven't faced up to my demons. Both my weight and eating have spiralled out of control once again. I'm drinking too much alcohol eating more treats and generally making bad food choices and not as one offs.
I thought I was well over this cycle but ever since I switched to endurance challenges and did my first marathon in April 2012 I've been making excuses. lots of them in fact.
The training volumes have increased. the level of the challenge has increased and got bigger and bigger but ultimately this has given me an easy excuse and like a creature of habit the more I've gotten away with it by training hard the more I've kept it up.
The stats don't lie I'm 6ft 1in and I weigh in at 16st 4lbs (I even still tell myself I'm 15st 7) with around 23% body fat, this is heavier than I was in Jan 2012 when I set out to do a marathon and is around 2-2.5st over weight!!!
That is just what I've been doing letting myself down little by little, I've been kidding myself that it is okay but it isn't this is holding me back massively from achieving what I can in triathlon and if I stopped training today or reduced it I know I would put on 2-3st easily and go back to how I was and I cannot face that prospect.
It is hard to put into words but I'm an emotional eater/drinker whenever I feel happy and sad I want to eat and when I feel lonely or low I eat things that i like to make me feel better it is a horrible cycle.
2014 is a big big year for me I've signed up to do the 70.3 Wimbleball, Ironman UK Bolton and also mentally Ironman Wales this challenge will be hard enough for someone in peak condition let alone with me making it harder with each extra lb or biscuit to carry up the Welsh hills.
Well today is a new day and hopefully a new starting point on my journey it won't be easy but it is going to be interesting.
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